Lost heaven
by DiePi
Summary: He had lost his heaven ten years ago but not all may be lost. Oneshot IchiHitsu.


**Title**: Lost heaven

**Author**: Heuk Ya

**Genre**: Romance/Angst

**Rating**: T (PG-13)

**Pairing**: Kurosaki Ichigo/Hitsugaya Toshiro

**Disclaimer**: Bleach sovereigns over me, not the other way round.

**Distribution**: Fanfiction and LJ

**Summary**: He had lost his heaven ten years ago but not all may be lost.

**Spoilers**: Soul Society/Bounto/Arrancar Arc (nothing in detail)

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**Lost heaven by Heuk Ya**

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Ichigo looked up at the clean blue sky; and goddamn clean blue sky, it was. Not even a single cloud marred the perfect pale blue canvas and the blinding Sun shone brightly, lighting upthe world.

Unlike his obscured, raining inner world.

Happy chirpings of birds filled the air from a distance, accompanied by the rustling sounds of the dry branches that softly swayed with the gentle breeze dispersing the fresh scent of snow, glistening in the heartwarming sunlight.

It was one perfect winter day with one perfect emptiness.

Inoue, Sado and Ishida watched quietly as the once loud and vibrant orange-haired teen stared at the frozen and snow-covered lake silently, almost infused with the bleakly white world in a thick, pristine white parka. The messy mob of hair stood out even more starkly than usual as the cotton-like softness continued to fall from the beautiful sky.

None of them said a word to their shinigami friend who had now gained ten years in his age since the War. In fact, it was not just Ichigo but all of them. There were hints of maturity in their faces now as they reached mid-20s and gone were the days oftheir school uniforms. They had all left Karakura except Ichigo for their education and works but every winter, they returned here for the sake of their friend who had given them so much yet lost so much.

Ishida glanced up at the bright sky as he pushed up his glasses; even after ten years, he still had not lost the habit. Despite the almost burning Sun, the air was chilly, the wind crisp, and it did not seem like it would stop snowing anytime soon. He wondered briefly if he wanted the snow to stop or not; after all, it had been a long time since Karakura was graced with the cold, white softness.

More specifically, it had been ten years since it had snowed in Karakura village.

And unknown to most humans, it had been ten years since the faithful War.

In a little more detail, it had been ten years since their friend had lost another of his beloved.

And it had been ten years since they had heard their friend speak a word since he had uttered his lost lover's name in a broken whisper.

Ten years. Ten years, and his once obnoxiously irritating shinigami friend was still immersed under the tidal waves of sadness; or perhaps, he was simply frozen in time. However he did not think Kurosaki's lover would have placed such a painful curse upon him even if freezing was what he did best; the small captain had died all too quickly right in the teen's arms in the middle of the battlefield and most of all, the white-haired prodigy had loved him far too much.

Ishida wasstartled out of his thoughts when he felt a gentle tug at his sleeve to find Inoue smiling at him and Sado resting a hand on his shoulder. They both gave him a silent sign and with one unsatisfied glare at the unmoving teen, Ishida turned around as well and the three of them quietly walked away in snow, leaving their friend alone.

It was after a few minutes that the orange-topped head finally shifted, the brown eyes now gazing up at the cruelly clear sky. The fresh wind softly caressed his frozen cheeks and Ichigo closed his eyes with a faintest smile on his face; the gentle touching of coldness that returned every year would never allow him to forget the dainty hands that used to cup his face -- not that he even wanted to forget.

He knew his family and friends, humans and shinigamis alike, were worried about his continued silence; Isshin and Yuzu were still trying to persuade him to just have an introductory meeting with a psychologist and just a few days ago, Rukia and Renji had tried to drag him to Soul Society again to see Unohana. Even Urahara and Yoruichi had dropped by, the latter almost pummeling him in her attempt to bring out even a groan out of her star student.

_'__You idiot, what are you trying to achieve by this, eh?!__'_, she had screamed as she sent him flying across the room with a kick, _'__what do you think you can do by going mute on us?__!'_.

Truth be spoken, Ichigo did not know what he was trying to achieve. In fact, he did not even know if he was trying to achieve something. All he knew was that he had simply lost the ability to speak the moment his little dragon had drew his last breath right in his arms, the moment the delicate, blood-tainted hand lost its clutch at his shihakshou, the moment the snow-crowned head rolled back limp.

Only one name continued to linger on his tongue but it never materialized from his lips.

He stretched out his hands, palms facing the sky, and the snow fell on them and instantly melted into tiny droplets of water. No desperate attempts would keep the white cottons in their states once they had touched his hands and Ichigo scoffed with a lopsided smile.

_He_ had melted away and destroyed his icy angel.

The chocolate eyes, now glistening with moisture that did not fall, lowered back onto the lake then Ichigo took a step forward on the ice layer. His black trainers easily crushed down the snow and landed on the slippery ice and he took another step.

One after the other, after the other, after the other.

And with a step fell one drop of tear, after the other, after the other, after the other.

There was not a single sniff or sobbing; he simply walked forward on the frozen lake, leaving behind clear footsteps with a little dimple just ahead of each of them.

The first step was when they firstmet, just before Ichigo left after the Aizen incident.

The second step was when he first asked Toshiro out; he had got smacked even before he had finished his question.

The third step was when they had their first date in Soul Society when the Bounto incident was finally over.

The fourth step was when they had their first kiss after Toshiro's team had abruptly turned up at his school.

The fifth step was when Toshiro had first said 'I love you' to him after they were seriously injured from the first Arrancar battle.

The sixth step was when he had woken up after the second battle with Grimmjow to find Toshiro's beautiful teal orbs staring down at him worried and concerned.

The seventh step was when he saw the apologetic look on the cherubic face just behind Rukia's as the shoji-doors slid close in Inoue's flat.

The eighth step was when they had their first argument about the reckless rescue he had attempted when he had somehow made safely back to Soul Society.

The ninth step was when they had first become one almost immediately after their first argument.

The tenth step was…

The hazelnut eyes widened and he quickly took a few steps back as the ice started to crack just where his foot was about to land. The breaking sound echoed eerily in the quiet park and Ichigo stared at the small hole that was swiftly widening as the icy edges continued to fall apart. In a moment, the fast spreading crack would probably reach where he stood as well.

However he merely stood there, gazing at the gapinghole in the middle of the frozen lake under the brightly shining sun. The sound of ice cracking neared him yet he did not make to move.

He was not suicidal. Really, he was not. If he was, he would have died ten years ago, but he was still alive.

_'__What are you trying to achieve?!__'_

Ichigo winced slightly at Yoruichi's words that rang in his mind; even now when he could feel the icy layer under his feet cracking, he did not know what he was trying to achieve.

The moment Hitsugaya Toshiro had died, he had lost his frosted emerald heaven and…

He scoffed weakly. He did not know what he wanted to _achieve_; perhaps nothing. But he did know what he simply _wanted_; he wanted his teal-colored, snow-falling heaven back.

A bitter smile adorned the teen's face as he felt the ice starting to give away under his weight. In just a few seconds, he would be immersed in icy cold water like when Toshiro's frosty reiatsu used to envelope him and perhaps, he would be able to see his lost heaven in this village that was snowing for the first time in ten years.

The frosty layer creaked unstable. Ichigo wondered if he would be able to count down exactly to the moment; maybe he would try. Ten seconds? No, it would not last that long. Five? Still too long.

He settled with three and closed his eyes. He took adeep breath in, feeling the cold wintry air almost stinging his lungs, and counted; three, two, one…

"Bakayaro, what do you think you are doing?"

The ice that was about to fall in pieces suddenly solidified again right under his feet and a small hand grasped his arm and pulled him away roughly. Ichigo snapped his eyes open at the unexpected turn of events and doubted his ears at the low voice coming slightly below him.

Blinking his eyes, he turned slowly like a broken robot. Under his incredulous gaze stood a boy, about the age of ten, with snow-white spikes and sparkling teal orbs in a black T-shirt and a blue jean, the cherubic face mirroring his disbelief before gaining the unforgettable perpetual scowl.

Only stunned silence filled the air and the dainty hand stayed on the long arm, the sea-green eyes looking straight into the brown ones. And Ichigo quietly, oh so quietly, uttered the word that had hung on his tongue for ten years, his voice croaked due to the lengthy rest.

"………Toshiro…?"

There was absolutely no change in the stoic face; no surprise, no doubt, no confusion, no familiarity. The silence was suffocating and the snow continued to fall. Then the boy broke out into a tiny smile with a scoff and the delicate but strong hand moved up from the arm to cup the frozen cheeks.

"Kurosaki, you moron."

Perhaps his heaven was not all lost.


End file.
